Feeling Loved 💘

I am a serial crush-er....*though not proud of it *,in my formative years, I'd Crushed on so many handsome boys that I started to lose count.  I liked Wilfred this Sunday,  stan on Tuesday, Ken was an on and off crush was undecided... Lionel, how wouldn't you love him.... To mention a few...
The real love was reserved for the ones I could only trip for from afar..... This hot smoking guy.. Way older than me  beyond my reach but yet he was what I wanted at different times and as it was my nature,the title of "smoking guy" changed as quickly as the day gave way to the night... In all my crushing period.... I never had a need to crave more.... I was so satisfied changing my crush as the traditions and lifestyle of the world did...
Being loved was more important than giving love.... But hey, it was just my opinion.... I felt so comfortable been who I was... Float,never been saddled with any commitment and most importantly  I could change my "crush" or "smoking guy"as time  changed.😉
Now, looking back at my  need to shield my self from the hurt that comes with rejection, or a commitment or the opportunities (new crushes or smoking guys) I would have to forgo ..... I have come to ask my self was I being just childish or was that the wisest way to navigate this journey of life and love
Even though it sounds a bit selfish, would we be better loving from a distance and changing bearing immediately something hotter comes through?
And if we did this would we be doing this out of fear or would it give us the complete satisfaction we desire? Would it fill the vacuum of having love in our lives? Would it be enough?

Pain

The truth about the hurtful feeling that burns our hearts and weary our souls is the fact that we all need it to survive!
Pain! As important as oxygen, it gives us the needed opportunity to beginning the healing we so much desire. Whether it is physical or emotional pain, it is the catalyst which informs our hearts, soul, body the red flag which would have other wise eaten us up alive.
Pain is a necessary evil, some may ask why in hell will someone present pain as a good thing? Pain is hurtful, why should I accept it? Why would you advise me to look on as this tear in my heart ravishes all that is truly left of me?

REFLECTIONS

Someone once said to me..... We do not know how we look until shown to us by an unbiased mirror. How fat we truly are, how tall we appear to be, what shape we possess are all shown by this object... He said "like wise, we do not know who we are unless through our interactions with others"....
As usual, it got me thinking, are we all truly walking mirrors to one another? Can we actually see our image, reflections through the eyes of each other and lastly do we pose an unbiased object by which another can see his/herself truly as they are.
By our complex nature, as we tend to always show the opposite of what we feel, do, really want! Can we still be able to know our true self by looking at the "mirrors" of our personality? When we present a false self and hide important tips dat should help our "mirrors" show us who we are! Do we now say the mirror doesn't work or isn't showing you who you really are.
On the other hand, if we show our real selves, and our mirrors and biased and can't show us the picture of what we are? If they love us so much they can't see through our wrongs? Even when we have a rotten personality they show it as fresh.... When we are rude and uncultured, they show it as having Attitude.... When we are been unnecessary stubborn, they show us we just know our right.
Can we then trust each other to elicit for us who we really are?

Tears

Slowly it traces the plain of my face.........in Its warmth, I find solace, peace.. Relief? Relief, but does it actually give me relief.... Is it a panacea for the pain that burdens my heart or does it  unburden me momentarily..... It clears my eyes, giving a way to my soul to see the extent of reality..... It gives this feeling of my pain been as real as a pinch on my cheek......
Tears! So beautiful.... So clear.... You do all this! But why can't you make the problem go away..... Or do you enjoy flowing freely..... Would it not be profitable to get rid of this problem and cause this flow to cease..... Or are you as handicapped as I am in the face of my pain ...
Tears you offer no real help..... You add to my troubles by inflicting unneeded headaches... But, why can't I stop? Why do I keep crying even when I know it does nothing.... Why can't I feel numb to this things.... Why do you taunt me with this drug.... Why can't I stop wanting to release you...
Tears, beautiful drops of my pain.... An illusion that never goes away, keep drowning me in your pool! Let me continue to get whatever peace, solace.... Momentary relief I can get.... Let me continue to be an addict to this drug....
    

Dilemma..... Fantasy or Reality

... So, it is day xx..... in this beautiful ancient city and I am tuned in to this beautiful radio station.... Pondering what I have been through so far... Most especially my love interest... Those I can't have... And those that cannot have me.... I wondered why this world is so unfair.... You want something and that which you want something else too! Not you obviously.
why can't we just have that which we want and chill.... Why do we need to struggle to get that which we are not even totally sure we want or deserve....I was talking to someone I don't really have any affection for but who is crazy for me.... And I could sense his frustration... He tirelessly pours his heart out... But what can I do.... I wish I could return his love but that would mean lying to myself.... This brings me to the most important question of the night..   How many of us lie to ourselves on a daily and is it worth it?
We are forced to choose either follow your heart or stick with the heart that has chosen you even if it a horrible lie