Cold

I was listening to songs about the term "cold"  Omarion sang a song on it, recently, maroon 5 did one too... Among other innumerable work on Cold
Though we are not here to talk about music, we can draw some understanding from the music about it..
Cold... Been cold... She is cold... He is cold... Cold-hearted some many ways to use the word cold... But what is cold,  Omarion in his music said he was so cold... Therefore, a lack of warmth... Maroon 5 hinted that it was a state of rejection and lack of love from the person you love..
Cold a state of coolness... Calm or a state of been wicked of lack of love...
However, just like water... For it to change its state from liquid to solid cold, it must undergo a chemical reaction.. A state of freezing...
Like wise, for the cold woman... She was once liquid, in experienced, in love, blank, uninformed, an open book, a blank sheet... Then life happened, the chemical reaction, the freezing agent, the deal breaker and voila.. She's cold
My question this very morning is.. Do we hate her for her coldness, Or do we hate life for making her this? Do we adjudge her bad, or do we decide to look at the circumstances leading to her been this way? And if we did look at the circumstances, should check places where the ball was in her court and blame her for not taking the best decision to be the best man or do we excuse that no matter her decision, she couldn't have predicted the end, that the beginning, she didn't expect life to lead to this? Who do we blame for the ice for a heart she has, Her, Life or the men and women in her life?

Conflicted

I  have always wondered
.. If I am asked to choose between footballers to date, how I would make this decision would be a little bit difficult.
Imagine, I am asked to say pick one Messi, the messiah of barca.. My sweetheart... My love... My heart or Neymar with his beautiful eyes and his bad boy attitude and his gorgeous smile or Antoine Grizeman... Oh.... MY Angel how many times I have dreamt of you and touching your soft body of having the opportunity to look into your blue eyes and marvel at how blue they are... Irrespective of their football prowess and even though I don't know them personally.. I am still saddled with the need to choose among gorgeous men who don't know I exist, of men I have admired and I continue to admire... Even love.
Why does the need to make a choice about something that is not even my to take happen... Why should I be subjected to the act of my brain trying to entertain itself by creating fantasies and still forcing me to think about who to chose...
Does this show that I am in charge or does it show otherwise... Is it even possible that I am doing this to myself creating an atmosphere of uncertainty of confliction to keep me entertained....
Or could this be a symptom of confliction existing deep within me, am I not capable of choosing a love interest or item and loving it solely without having to look at the other.... Am I sick of confliction?

Feeling Loved 💘

I am a serial crush-er....*though not proud of it *,in my formative years, I'd Crushed on so many handsome boys that I started to lose count.  I liked Wilfred this Sunday,  stan on Tuesday, Ken was an on and off crush was undecided... Lionel, how wouldn't you love him.... To mention a few...
The real love was reserved for the ones I could only trip for from afar..... This hot smoking guy.. Way older than me  beyond my reach but yet he was what I wanted at different times and as it was my nature,the title of "smoking guy" changed as quickly as the day gave way to the night... In all my crushing period.... I never had a need to crave more.... I was so satisfied changing my crush as the traditions and lifestyle of the world did...
Being loved was more important than giving love.... But hey, it was just my opinion.... I felt so comfortable been who I was... Float,never been saddled with any commitment and most importantly  I could change my "crush" or "smoking guy"as time  changed.😉
Now, looking back at my  need to shield my self from the hurt that comes with rejection, or a commitment or the opportunities (new crushes or smoking guys) I would have to forgo ..... I have come to ask my self was I being just childish or was that the wisest way to navigate this journey of life and love
Even though it sounds a bit selfish, would we be better loving from a distance and changing bearing immediately something hotter comes through?
And if we did this would we be doing this out of fear or would it give us the complete satisfaction we desire? Would it fill the vacuum of having love in our lives? Would it be enough?

Pain

The truth about the hurtful feeling that burns our hearts and weary our souls is the fact that we all need it to survive!
Pain! As important as oxygen, it gives us the needed opportunity to beginning the healing we so much desire. Whether it is physical or emotional pain, it is the catalyst which informs our hearts, soul, body the red flag which would have other wise eaten us up alive.
Pain is a necessary evil, some may ask why in hell will someone present pain as a good thing? Pain is hurtful, why should I accept it? Why would you advise me to look on as this tear in my heart ravishes all that is truly left of me?

REFLECTIONS

Someone once said to me..... We do not know how we look until shown to us by an unbiased mirror. How fat we truly are, how tall we appear to be, what shape we possess are all shown by this object... He said "like wise, we do not know who we are unless through our interactions with others"....
As usual, it got me thinking, are we all truly walking mirrors to one another? Can we actually see our image, reflections through the eyes of each other and lastly do we pose an unbiased object by which another can see his/herself truly as they are.
By our complex nature, as we tend to always show the opposite of what we feel, do, really want! Can we still be able to know our true self by looking at the "mirrors" of our personality? When we present a false self and hide important tips dat should help our "mirrors" show us who we are! Do we now say the mirror doesn't work or isn't showing you who you really are.
On the other hand, if we show our real selves, and our mirrors and biased and can't show us the picture of what we are? If they love us so much they can't see through our wrongs? Even when we have a rotten personality they show it as fresh.... When we are rude and uncultured, they show it as having Attitude.... When we are been unnecessary stubborn, they show us we just know our right.
Can we then trust each other to elicit for us who we really are?

Tears

Slowly it traces the plain of my face.........in Its warmth, I find solace, peace.. Relief? Relief, but does it actually give me relief.... Is it a panacea for the pain that burdens my heart or does it  unburden me momentarily..... It clears my eyes, giving a way to my soul to see the extent of reality..... It gives this feeling of my pain been as real as a pinch on my cheek......
Tears! So beautiful.... So clear.... You do all this! But why can't you make the problem go away..... Or do you enjoy flowing freely..... Would it not be profitable to get rid of this problem and cause this flow to cease..... Or are you as handicapped as I am in the face of my pain ...
Tears you offer no real help..... You add to my troubles by inflicting unneeded headaches... But, why can't I stop? Why do I keep crying even when I know it does nothing.... Why can't I feel numb to this things.... Why do you taunt me with this drug.... Why can't I stop wanting to release you...
Tears, beautiful drops of my pain.... An illusion that never goes away, keep drowning me in your pool! Let me continue to get whatever peace, solace.... Momentary relief I can get.... Let me continue to be an addict to this drug....
    

Dilemma..... Fantasy or Reality

... So, it is day xx..... in this beautiful ancient city and I am tuned in to this beautiful radio station.... Pondering what I have been through so far... Most especially my love interest... Those I can't have... And those that cannot have me.... I wondered why this world is so unfair.... You want something and that which you want something else too! Not you obviously.
why can't we just have that which we want and chill.... Why do we need to struggle to get that which we are not even totally sure we want or deserve....I was talking to someone I don't really have any affection for but who is crazy for me.... And I could sense his frustration... He tirelessly pours his heart out... But what can I do.... I wish I could return his love but that would mean lying to myself.... This brings me to the most important question of the night..   How many of us lie to ourselves on a daily and is it worth it?
We are forced to choose either follow your heart or stick with the heart that has chosen you even if it a horrible lie